Jesus said: “Man must not separate what God has joined together”.
(Mark 2:9)
Or lets put it another way… Jesus said: “Divorce is wrong!”
How’s that for a challenging statement?!!!
And how interesting for us in an age when the church worldwide is engaged in a huge debate on a particular aspect of some people’s sexuality – an aspect about which Jesus said nothing – and here today in black and white we have actually got Jesus’ words on another similar subject – divorce. And Jesus makes it clear – that in God’s eyes divorce is wrong.
Now what are we Christians going to make of these words of Jesus in the 21st century? I want to think about that in a minute. But first of all I’d like to take a moment to notice a couple of things that form a backdrop to why Jesus spoke about this. It was in the context of a conversation with the religious leaders of his day. But to understand it fully there are two things we need to know.
The first might be surprising.
One. Divorce, in Jesus’ day, was a real issue.
Notice the words. There is no accident in these words. “Does our law allow a man to divorce his wife?”
Notice - a man.
This conversation (this society) was all about men’s rights. Women didn’t have rights. In this Jewish society there were almost no situations where a woman could divorce her husband, but for a man to divorce his wife – nothing could be simpler. He just had to hand her a note telling her to get lost and have one other man witness that note and the job was done.
In Jesus’ day there was a Jewish school of thought that a man could divorce his wife whenever he found her displeasing – so that meant if she burnt the toast or he fancied another woman down the street then it was goodbye. As a result, divorces were on the increase.
Women had no right of reply. And once they were divorced it was not easy for a woman to have an income. The treatment of women in divorces was shocking.
The whole weight of the law confirmed the fact that women were second-class citizens. And of course that was a terrible injustice.
Two. This conversation was meant as a trap for Jesus. And not an innocent question.
The Bible tells us that the Pharisees were out to trap Jesus. What was the trap? Well, the Roman governor in Galilee was man called Herod Antipas and he had just divorced his wife to marry the wife of his brother.
John the Baptist had denounced his behaviour and as a result he had been arrested and then beheaded. If Jesus sided with John the Baptist on this one maybe he would face the same fate. If he allowed Herod Antipas to behave in such an outrageous way then he isn’t exactly expounding a very moral view of marriage and he is helping to ensure that women continue to be abused.
So Jesus replies by going right back to the beginning and emphasising why marriage was created in the first place – to allow for companionship and togetherness and commitment. The Pharisee men want to have a big discussion about their “rights” under the law. Jesus wants to get back to basics.
The marriage relationship is a wonderful yet serious business. It is about a lifelong commitment to one another.
And in this world where divorce was becoming commonplace and this group of men are wanting to argue about their “right” to divorce Jesus wants to bring them up short with God’s view of all of this.
It is never right to divorce. It is always less than God hopes for.
It is always a sadness.
As usual the Pharisees are obsessed with what is right – what is legal. How they can justify their actions in divorcing their wives and still look moral and religious and holy?
Jesus response is to say divorcing is never right.
It’s never something to rejoice in or to feel good about.
So what about us? What are we to make of these words?
I don’t think it is possible to avoid what Jesus is saying.
Whether we are first century or twenty-first century Christians, I believe that what God thinks about this is clear.
Divorce is never right.
It is never something to rejoice in or to feel good about.
But – and this is very important - that’s not to say it isn’t the lesser of two evils.
And that’s not to say that there isn’t hope and forgiveness for those who are divorced.
Lets think of something else for a moment that is not right – stealing.
Stealing is condemned in the Bible. Stealing is contrary to God’s will.
Stealing is just basically wrong.
Now suppose we ended up with a famine in our country and suppose the scarce food that exists was hoarded by the powerful and rich, while ordinary people starved.
What would you do in that situation?
Well if I am honest I would almost certainly resort to stealing if I could find a way – just to keep myself and my family alive.
It might be the best thing I could do in an awful situation.
It might be the better of two evils. But it doesn’t deserve to be called right.
Stealing, even when it’s the best thing we can do in a bad situation is not a good thing. Stealing is not what God wants from any of us.
Sometimes the things we end up doing “for the best” are not good. Maybe in our fallen world they are the best of a very bad situation. And we need to confess this to God and ask for God’s compassion and understanding and guidance.
In the same way, in the millions of different outcomes within our relationships, sadly divorce may end up being the better of two evils, it might be the best outcome of a bad situation. But we must not ever label stealing or divorce as good things in themselves.
Listen to these words from Christian writer Richard Rohr:
“Our goal, our ideal, our basic plan for marriage is that it is indissoluble and forever. Yet we are dealing with the unbelievable complexity of human relationships. To describe a divorce situation today, the image I like to use is trying to unscramble scrambled eggs. It is so difficult to say what God would want in each situation, or what is going to bring about the greatest good, or what is going to bring about the spirit of Jesus in the life of the Body of Christ.”
(Richard Rohr: The Good News According to Luke p167f)
Today’s text is a big one for me.
For I have been divorced.
Last year (or maybe it was earlier this year) I was asked to appear on a BBC radio show hosted by Ruth Wishart called Family Matters. I had been doing some work at the BBC already and someone found out I had been divorced. So I was interviewed along with two others - two women – one was on Orkney and the other in London. And we were asked to recount what affect our divorce had on us, and the other people in our family - particularly our children.
I remember relating a horrible memory.
I was talking to my youngest son Robbie, a good while after Yvonne and I had separated. He was playing with some toys and seemed quite content. I asked him how he was feeling now about the fact that his mum and I were living in a different situation, and without stopping his playing he said in a very matter-of-fact way – “Its fine. I still see you both. And now I’ve got two houses and I’ve got two rooms and I’ve got two lots of toys.” He seemed quite content. And then as I moved across the room and looked at him I saw there was a tear running down his cheek. Even as he spoke these brave words, and continued his game, he was crying.
And I felt so terrible for him.
And I felt so rotten that I couldn’t do anything about this pain.
Divorce is horrible.
At the time I didn’t want the marriage to end.
I did not want the divorce to happen.
And I still grieve at the pain inflicted on my two boys and other relationships.
I do not boast about my divorce.
I do not see it as a good thing.
I am not proud to relate that the vows I took at my first marriage have not been fulfilled.
I am not proud of my divorce.
Yet I can honestly say I am glad I am out of that relationship.
I can honestly say I believe that this was the lesser of two evils.
And I am grateful to God that I have come through the experience.
And I am grateful to God for the chance for a fresh start in life – for the opportunity to be with someone else.
Jesus today reminds us of the seriousness of our marriage vows.
He reminds us of God’s ideals for our relationships.
He points out that it is often our hardness of heart that gets between us and God’s hopes for our lives.
But Jesus is never without compassion.
And God is always holding out hope.
And God wants to continue to guide us and lead us even when we have failed and fouled up.
God always wants to bring us to new life once more.
God works in the messiness of our real jumbled lives.
To bring hope, forgiveness and healing.
At the beginning of last week there were articles in the press about up to 100 Church of Scotland congregations investigating signing up to what is called the Confessing Church. This is basically the position which allows no room for gay people to be open in church, and is the opposite position of where we are as a congregation.
They are the people who say – the Bible condemns homosexuality – “its all there in black and white” without considering the context, whether the words written in those texts all those years ago are actually referring to what we mean today, and without allowing that the Holy Spirit may be leading the church into a new and deeper understanding.
They are the ones who say: “Just read the words – don’t think about it – just read these words in black and white…”
So I wonder what these ministers will be doing today or any other day when they read these words of Jesus?
Will they still refuse to look at the background and the context?
Will they still harp on about the words in black and white?
Will they stand up and look out at their congregations and simply say “Jesus wants nothing to do with divorced people. So beat it - out of the church! And as for you people who are divorced and remarried – well you are living in sin and are detestable in God’s eyes”.
Is that what they will say?
Or will they instead stand up and preach sermons about forgiveness, empathy, compassion, regret over mistakes in life and proclamations of Gods love?
I hope that is what they do…
Because that’s the message that people who have been divorced need to hear.
And it’s the message that gay people need to hear.
And it’s the message that everyone needs to hear –
whether we are divorced or not,
whether we are happily married or constantly single.
God sets high standards.
And God wants us to live to high standards.
But when we fail to reach them God offers us forgiveness, compassion, hope, and new beginnings.